The stories are too frequent: a service member, many times a single mom, is called to serve her country and is given a short time to wind down her personal business and deploy. She makes temporary custody arrangements for her children usually with her former spouse, sometimes in the form of a non-binding family care plan. The mom is then deployed. Upon return from deployment, she goes to pick up her child, and finds out that her ex-spouse won’t relinquish custody without a court order.
Sometimes the story is even worse. For example, a service member in fighting for custody in court has their custodial rights terminated by a judge simply because of ‘deployment’ or even the ‘possibility of deployment.’ Deployed parents, serving our country in places like Afghanistan or Iraq, need protections from state courts disrupting these established family arrangements. We cannot have one branch of government asking American men and women to serve, while another branch punishes them for their service.
Over the past four years, I have introduced legislation to strengthen child custody protections so mothers and fathers in uniform will not be forced to lose custody of their children due to their military service. The purpose of this legislation is straightforward: to protect our men and women in uniform from their deployment being used against them in child custody disputes.
This issue first came to my attention after Kentucky National Guard member Lt. Eva Slusher, who was deployed to serve her country, subsequently lost custody of her daughter, Sara. After a two-year, $25,000 court battle, Lt. Slusher was ultimately successful in regaining custody of her daughter but at a great financial and emotional cost.
Upon returning from deployment to Afghanistan, Lt. Col. Vanessa Benson of the 101st Airborne Division found herself in a year-long battle with her ex-husband to regain custody of her 14-year-old son, totaling more than $22,000 in legal fees. In December 2009, a Florida judge awarded her temporary custody. However, her legal fight continues to regain full custody.
“We’re asked to drop everything to go to combat,” Lt Col. Benson said in a December interview with CBS News. “Is it too much to ask that we have protection for when we come back to get our children back?”
This year, I have introduced H.R. 4469 to amend the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. The bill will protect the custody arrangements of service members during their deployment as well as prohibit the use of deployment as a factor in determining the best interests of a child in custody cases.
Furthermore, upon the return of the service member from deployment, any temporary change in custody would be immediately reversed, unless the reinstatement of custody is not in the best interest of the child. Finally, the amendment would not allow courts to consider a military parent’s deployment or possible deployment as a basis for determining the best interests of the child in custody court cases.
Our men and women in uniform need this basic protection to provide them the peace of mind that the courts will not undertake judicial proceedings concerning their established custody rights while they are serving valiantly in contingency operations. Even a single incidence is one too many. This legislation seeks to protect them and their children.
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I am a soldier in the U.S. Army stationed at Ft Hood Texas. My case is a little different than the ones that everyone hears about. I joined the service to provide a better future for myself and my daughter, Hailey. Her father and I agreed that he would take care of her when I went to basic training and to AIT(Advanced Individual Training). The court paperwork could not state that this arrangement was temporary or the Army would not accept my enlistment, so I gave my ex-husband physical custody of our daughter, but we verbally agreed that she would come to live with me once i got to my duty station.
That was a year ago. I have been in a battle for nearly 6 months now to get my daughter back. I have only been allowed 23 days of visitation with my daughter since i graduated basic training in November 2009. I very rarely get to talk to her over the phone. I recently went through mediation to reach a new parenting plan that could at least give me more time with her if I can’t get custody. The mediator is holding the fact that I will be deploying to Afghanistan in April as a reason to only allow me 15 days of visitation a year and phone calls 3 times a week.
How is this fair? My daughter was the reason I joined. Now I’m being punished as if I had left her on the side of the road. We as parents try to do our best by our children, I felt enlisting would be the best thing for me and my daughter. I will be fighting for the freedom that allows a judge to tell me that i can only see my daughter 2 weeks a year. Tell me, how is this fair?
I joined before the war 12 OCT 2000. With agreement from my then husband and father of my children, it was decided in the better interest of our (3) children. Although they were all very little at the time, it was clear to me that I needed to achieve higher goals and provide for my family financially. He had no ambition and his income was not sufficient for three children. I chose to take baby steps with the WA Army National Guard. My husband and I separated shortly after I joined. 911 happened. I was then given orders to deploy in one of the first waves into Iraq March 2003. I had very little time. The divorce became final just weeks prior to my actual travel date Feb 2003. So, did the child parenting plan. I gave him full custody, because they at this point were already now with him. Of course we too verbally agreed that we will work more out when I return. I paid above and beyond the agreed child support. I made plenty and I wanted them to have everything. His success was in the best interest of our children. I came home, he was newly married and a new kid on the way with an active duty soldier. He handed over all three kids…..we did stick to our verbal agreement for the last 7 yrs. Due to life circumstances, the kids were sometimes with me full time and in school and sometimes with him. His reasons for them to live with me was because he was having financial hardships and marital woes, eventually leading to his second divorce. I had some marital woes of my own in my new current marriage in OCT 2005 while my current husband was deployed (also a WA National Guard Soldier).
Then a second deployment for myself 2008-2009. He has since recovered financially and now lives with another partner and now owns a home. Upon my return he now did not wish to give the children back to me. However, I got him to agree to allow my youngest to live with me and maintained child support since he had two of the three still. (by the way, he never paid me child support when I had them all) Turns out he was not obligated too because during all this, we did not yet re-modify the 2003 court order and parenting plan.
Then my older daughter at only 13 experimented with marijuana, alcohol and cigarettes. By the next school semester (Jan 2009) I bugged him enough to let me have her back. I asked that we considered to let the girls remain with me and if we cannot agree by next summer of 2010, we can ask a court to determine for us. Of course he said he will not change his mind, but ok for now. Our son is about to graduate high school and should complete this without me interrupting him. Our son was also making better choices overall at this point. But my daughters obviously needed my direct influence and supervision. I have very good communication skills with my kids and am strict. I asked that we let the courts determine if we still could not agree in the summer mths. He made it clear in June 09, that his position remained the same and I am not too considered myself a parent that they live with. They now live with him and always have. That they were only on extended visits with me from the bottom of his heart and that I had punished him for being so good to me. He no longer considered that they were fully intergraded in my home as well as his. He then kept them from me more than his part of the summer. I obtained legal counsel and hired an attorney right away in June. Based on the 2003 court order that we deviated from all these years and just now was being enforced on me, we were also required to mediate. We did this by July as he went on vacation and got back to me when he could. Parenting Plan agreements were fully successful, except for where the girls will live permanently. Then when my lawyer got us an ex-parte court hearing days before school; petitioning a temporary re-modification with me as custodial parent and we won…But were to return for a final determination this last week. My ex came to court at the appointed hearing last week stated that my Military service could possibly cause another deployment at any time and that he was sandbagged at the ex-parte claiming he never knew my intentions to have the girls live with me. The court did decide in my favor… kind of with much deliberation about my service and the parenting plan. What was nice, is that the courts do recognize that the children were fully intergrated in my home as well and should remain for now at this point as they already were returned to me and attending school. The court also stated we were both good parents and have done very well with our circumstances. Of course I did not openly complain about the details of what I am really going thru that my ex is putting me thru. Screaming and cussing at me and all. Courts do not care. They questioned how I know for sure I am not scheduled to deploy and asked for evidence of the ETS date I plan to get out. I can provide our deployment cycle (However tentative it may be). And we are not scheduled to deploy till 2016! I ETS 2012. Because it is a threat to child custody for me now, I will be departing the service and no longer a Soldier in OCT 2012. The benefits for serving no longer outweigh my family sacrifices. We are scheduled for another hearing in May 2011. This is when the court will make its final determination. I can only hope that the courts determine the girls should still remain with me by showing strong intent to leave the Service that has done so much for my career and family. As well as show my tentative deployment cycle and there is no worries way out until 2016, but that I will be separated way before then.
By the way, the biggest benifit I will now lose is my 20yrs retirement. In 2012, I will have only had 6 more yrs left to serve. OCT 2012 will be a very sad day for me when I do seperate. I have loved serving my country and will make the last two years as good as I can. But will AVOID deployments at all costs because of this mess with my kids. …….and I am the Unit’s Retention NCO! LOL